A Gift For You

Depositphotos_34727797_xsOne of the most daunting aspects of dating, for so many of my clients, is that fear of rejection. Makes sense, right? Isn’t that apprehension completely understandable? Does anyone out there like rejection? We human beings seek to avoid it like the plague. So, how do we put ourselves out there in the dating word, and particularly in the internet dating world, where the possibility of rejection lurks forebodingly at every turn?

Here’s a new perspective that many of my clients and workshop participants find highly effective: We acknowledge each hint of rejection early on as a special gift, wrapped up beautifully and neatly with a big magnificent bow on the top, and we picture the “rejecter” (for lack of a better word), handing us a special present. [Read more…]

We Can Learn to Love Again

couple summe lifestyleWhen are we ready to date again after a divorce or breakup? I’ve heard this question asked in earnest hundreds of times from clients and workshop participants. I wish I could tell you that there’s a traffic light that turns green and gives you a clear signal – go! The decision to get out there again is complex and highly individual.  In my experience as a divorce and dating coach, we don’t first heal completely, declare that we are totally ready, and then start dating. Why? Because we can’t fully heal alone.

We absolutely do need to take significant time to be alone in order to nurture ourselves, to focus on our goals, and to work on our personal development. That amount of time varies from person to person. But even if we take ten years to focus on ourselves, healing is a process that needs to continue out there in the world, within the context of relationships. We may think that we are completely healed, but when our buttons get pushed by potential partners in the dating world, we will feel our wounds again.

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Dating Lessons from Costa Rica

Hawksbill sea turtle swimming in Indian ocean in Seychelles

It hit me as I watched the freshly hatched Black Turtles find their way down the beach to the ocean. These creatures are unambivalent about following their instincts. When the naturalist set them free, just hours old, they did exactly what they needed to do to continue their lives the way they were meant to.

As I stood there in awe, I asked the expert, “How do they know where the ocean is?” He smiled, put his hand up to his ear and answered simply, “They listen for the water.” His words stuck with me. [Read more…]

How to Get Infected With the “E” Factor for Dating

Great ideaDuring my workshops and seminars, as well as with my individual clients, we talk a lot about projecting confidence and positivity in order to enhance dating success. These qualities are enormously important in drawing potential partners to us. But there’s another crucial ingredient in attracting dates and holding their interest through that first awkward phone call in order to move forward to the first meeting and beyond. That is the “E” Factor – Enthusiasm!

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How To Make a Love Sandwich

CHK - pic5When we want to let someone know about an issue that is really important to us, or about a strong preference that we have, how do we bring it across? Our manner can make the crucial difference in the way that we are heard, and it can determine if that someone will get on board with our concern, or not.

Hence, the “Love Sandwich” recipe:

1. Begin with a positive statement which recognizes at least one of the person’s strengths and expresses appreciation for it (ie the first piece of bread)

2. Next, the meat of the sandwich – briefly describe the situation that requires change or improvement, in other words, the constructive criticism.

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