Using a Life Coach in the Divorce Process and Beyond


In this article, I was interviewed by Divorce Attorney and Mediator, Deborah Kaminetsky on the role of a Life Coach in the divorce process. Check out what I shared that you might not have thought about before…

Change Your Lens to Change Your Life

Young businessman looking through magnifying glass isolated on white

The lens through which you see the world and through which you view your experiences is a crucial variable in what you achieve in your life. If you look at your surroundings through a blue lens, you will see absolutely everything as blue, but if you switch to a yellow lens, suddenly everything is yellow. What lens might you be viewing your world through? How is the lens that you are choosing coloring your life?

In what aspects of your life is your lens tinting your experience with a touch of victim mentality which may include hopelessness or guilt? Where in your life are the anger, conflict, and resentment lenses causing you to blame other people or situations for what blocks you from your goals?

The great news is that you can change your experience by consciously selecting a different lens. What type of lens would ignite positive change at work and at home? What would it be like to view the world through the lens of complete responsibility for your reactions without taking things personally? How might a lens in which you see collaborative opportunity in everything around you change your experiences?  What about a lens in which you see ways to give genuinely to others wherever you look or you view acceptance and nonjudgment everywhere? How about seeing the world through a lens of inner wisdom and intuition? Imagine switching back and forth between those lenses throughout the day to really experience being “in your natural flow” professionally and personally; when you’re just effortlessly connecting, creating, and expressing your talents and gifts.

Instead of your reactions overtaking you, what would it be like for you to shift your energy and consciously select the reaction that would suit each particular situation and relationship best? The powerful choice of lenses is yours.

The first step towards selecting the lens that will feel best for you is to become aware of the lens that you are currently utilizing in each situation. So, you will need to pause and observe yourself with honest self-reflection. One of the crucial keys to this process is learning how to take that powerful pause versus automatically reacting through your predominant lens. Some ways to create and utilize this pause are: Take a deep breath, commit to doing nothing at all for a moment, and ask yourself if your reaction is typical for you and what could be a different response. This process might require restricting the most reactive parts of you.

Now that you have enabled the possibility of choice, you will need to familiarize yourself with what it feels like to use various other lenses. Draw upon past experience, experimentation, and a vision of a more centered you for this process. As you experiment with each lens, evaluate the results in terms of your feelings, your stress level, your level of engagement, and the degree in which you accomplish your goal.

If you really want to ignite sustainable positive change in your life for this New Year, choose your glasses purposefully and keep them on consciously, even when the glare of another bright color threatens to overtake your field of vision. Toss your victim and anger glasses aside for now and pick up a new pair of lenses that support a more empowered and successful perspective. Then take meaningful steps to create the new year and the life that is truly what you desire.

*Concepts are based upon Bruce D. Schneider’s “Energy Leadership Index” from iPEC (Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching)

*Interested in a more individualized opportunity to benefit from these transformative concepts in your personal or professional life? Contact Heidi Krantz at to schedule a unique Energy Leadership Index Assessment and Debrief designed for you, your organization, or your team, and experience the powerful results of changing your lens.


Are They Feeling “Emotionally Heard?”

Smartly dressed young women shaking hands in a business meeting at office deskWhat is actually going on when your clients, co-workers, or family members keep repeating the details about how they have been wronged by someone else? One strong possibility is that they are not feeling “emotionally heard” by you. Therefore, your advice, your solution to the problem, your legal instructions, or your financial guidelines cannot be received and integrated. Their immediate need is not being addressed, so they are unable to shift into taking proactive steps forward.

You can facilitate that shift within just a few moments of time. In your own style, give them the message that you “get” how they are feeling. It can sound like this: “I’m hearing that you are feeling very hurt, disappointed and frustrated.” Or, “It sounds like you are feeling extremely angry and betrayed.” You want to say this using eye contact and a respectful and compassionate tone in your voice, giving your complete attention to the person for those few moments. You might continue to say, “Given what you have experienced, it is very understandable that you would be feeling that way.”

You have now identified and named the emotions that the person is feeling and you have validated that those feelings can be expected given the situation. That does not mean that you necessarily agree with the person’s assessment or behavior. It just conveys that you “get” how they are feeling, given their perception.

Try out the above beginning step towards making others feel emotionally heard. You may be surprised by their relieved reaction, their appreciation, and by their ability to listen to the content that you begin to bring across after that interaction. At this point, they may even be ready to integrate challenging points of view that they were unable to hear previously. Often, when we are feeling rushed, we want to get right to the content or instructions that we need to communicate. The extra few moments to help someone feel “emotionally heard” first, can actually save you hours of breaking through his/her resistance.

So, next time your client or friend keeps ruminating about his/her situation, instead of feeling annoyed and perhaps even hopeless, help him or her shift into a more proactive place by listening in this way. The results are often striking.

Join Professional Life Coach, Heidi Krantz, OTR, CPC at the Divorce Catalyst Conference where she will present additional communication strategies for divorce professionals at her workshop session: “Communication Strategies That Work.”

Or click here to schedule Heidi as a speaker for your group or practice: