Love With A Plan

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clipboard with checklistI’m always amazed by how we meticulously formulate carefully thought-out plans for every aspect of our lives, including our careers, our education, our parenting, and even our vacations. But when it comes to our love lives, an enormously important aspect of our happiness, we approach our search randomly, with no plan at all. As though we are being carried haphazardly by the current of the ocean, we get pulled toward physical attraction, pulled toward availability, pulled toward whoever happens to be pursuing us, or pulled toward any number of other possibilities that involve no forethought. Then, after a while, we come up for air and wonder how we ever landed in this unsatisfying relationship. Well, here’s a compelling answer: We didn’t start out with a well thought-out plan, and that’s exactly what we need to do. Here’s how to begin…

Construct a list of approximately five well thought-out traits that are your “must have” qualities in a partner. This inventory should not be a long laundry list with every possible detail included; just the traits which are “deal breakers” if they are not in place. This is your own personal list of what is truly important to you, not what “should be” important to you. Define each quality very specifically. Try to include enduring character traits that would still be in place 5 or 10 years from now. Write out your list, taking advantage of the power of the written word, and reread it often.

Beginning with the first few sentences of conversation with a potential partner, actively listen for evidence that possibly shows that this person possesses your “must have” traits. Of course, you will need to get to know him/her a lot better to determine for sure; what you are looking to detect now, is the POTENTIAL that the person has the key qualities that you selected. Keep checking back with your list regularly as your interactions progress.

Here’s the kicker: Make a commitment to yourself to be flexible about all other traits that are not on your list. You will definitely find qualities that you are not thrilled about, but you can learn to accept the person as a total package, the same way that you would want to be accepted with all of your wonderful strengths and weaknesses.

Now embrace your clarity, and get out there and use your well thought-out plan to find new love. Instead of wondering later on how you landed in the wrong relationship, you will know exactly how you found the right one: By following your very own blueprint.

For the complete “Plan for Love” Signature System, join Coach Heidi at the Allegria Hotel in Long Beach on July 20, 2015 at 7PM for a COMPLIMENTARY interactive Singles’ Workshop to jumpstart your dating success! Contact Reinvention Life Coaching with questions at

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