Valentine’s Day: Relating to Fear

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Young attractive woman holding red paper heart like a valentine card and hiding her face

A wide range of decisions in all aspects of life are often discussed by clients during our coaching sessions. Whether the decision is relationship based or career based, there is a common theme at the “heart of the matter.” What is driving your decision? If you are being honest with yourself, is the answer to my question – FEAR?  If fear is the governing force, think back to an important decision that you made in the past and ask yourself how important the fear factor was in what you decided. How satisfied were you with how that decision played out? What other examples of fear based decisions can you think of in your life?

When I think back on my own fear based decisions as well as those of many of my coaching clients, I know that we do not relate to those decisions as being among our best. Some examples are: Staying in a damaging relationship out of fear of being alone, staying in a hated job out of fear of the job hunting process, not going for a promotion out of fear of rejection, not asking an important question out of fear of the answer, chasing a love interest too much out of fear of losing him/her, not dating at all out of fear of rejection, and the list goes on infinitely.

So, this Valentine’s Day, how can we honor our hearts and use the powerful intuition that resides within each of us to lead us into decisions that are based in strength, authenticity, wisdom, and love? Let’s begin with these steps regarding a current decision that we are pondering:

• Close your eyes for a moment and tune into your truth. What is driving your decision?

• If the answer is fear, ask the fearful part of you to honestly tell you what it is really afraid of and truly listen for the answer.

• Allow yourself to picture your worst case scenario, play it out briefly in your mind, and ask yourself how you would cope.

• Think of another time in your life when you overcame your fear and made a decision that really worked for you.

• Ask yourself what strengths of character, talents, traits, and skills you relied on to make that decision work for you despite the fear.

• What are the parallels between the two situations and how can you apply those strengths to your current decision? Be specific in your answer and let it guide you to create a possible plan.

• Finally, with your eyes closed, ask yourself this very powerful question: What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Let the answer wash over you and allow it to guide your next steps.

Honor your heart this Valentine’s Day and base your decisions on strength, authenticity, wisdom and love. Try out this system of relating to your fears today and see where it leads you.

Working through your fear regarding an important decision? Contact Coach Heidi at to create your personalized plan towards a decision that is based on strength, authenticity, wisdom, and love.

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